Thaasophobia

Jonathan Hoffman.

This past week has been extremely difficult for many people in my community.  On Friday we lost a magnificent young man.  When I found out that my childhood best friend and brother growing up had passed away, I couldn’t breathe. That small boy who used to dance around his living room, offer haircuts to his friends, rollerblade in his basement everyday, and grew up to being a computer genius- was gone.  17 years of living was not enough.

Last night two dozen friends of his, including myself, met up at a local synagogue to celebrate the life Jonathan lived instead of dwell on the fact that he was no longer with us.   One by one we stepped up the microphone to share comforting words and funny stories about him.  It was beautiful.

Today was funeral.  I rolled out of bed around 9AM, took a shower, put on my black dress, and shuffled out the door.  I arrived at the funeral home with my family around 10AM.  Most people had not gotten there yet.  I walked into the private room in the back where there was a viewing of the body.  I asked my mom if I could go view him alone.  I walked over to the casket.  This looked nothing like Jonathan.  The smiling boy that I knew was not the lifeless being laying in front of me.  The freckles that were once a prominent feature of his were now hardly visible.  I planted my face in my palms and broke down.  Shaking, I walked closer to the casket. This was my last chance to say goodbye…So I did exactly that. “Goodbye Jonathan.” Still bawling, I said hello to his family and made my way back to my seat.  

After the funeral, we drove in the procession to the cemetery.  The weather was quite gloomy and fitting for the circumstances.  All of us made our way to where Jonathan would be buried.  The Kaddish was spoken and we all began to shovel dirt into the hole in which he laid.  ”No parent should ever have to go through this,” I whispered to my mother during the burial.  No parent should have to bury their own child.

I want to clear something up:  Unlike what the media is putting out there, Jonathan was a kind hearted soul.  He was a genius, and had so much potential to do great things.  Jonathan was everyone’s little brother.  His smile brightened up everyone’s day, and he could transform a room simply by walking into it.  He will be missed greatly.  Jonathan was and forever will be loved by so many people.

Rest in Peace.